December 30, 2012
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Raging
I am so fucking angry. I’ve been in an angry mood all day. I can’t even deal with myself right now. Don’t read any further unless you want to read a pissed off rant of a;ewipofjs;lkfj;d guh.
I am SO FUCKING MAD at the BFX. So done. So pissed. He is so full of fucking shit.
We aren’t even fucking friends anymore. Friends talk to each other. Friends hang out every once in a while. Friends enjoy each other’s company. He won’t do ANY of those things, no matter how hard I fucking try. I have done NOTHING but try to fix things and be friends for the last 4 months. FOUR MONTHS OF FUCKING EFFORT. No, I haven’t been great 100% of the time, but neither has he. But at least I can say I fucking tried. And that effort has been COMPLETELY one-sided. And for some reason, everyone thinks I am the goddamn bad guy in this situation and I don’t fucking know why.
Also, if you want to say you care about someone, that means you care about them ALL OF THE TIME. Not just when I fucking remind you that I’m alive. But he completely ignores me/forgets that I exist 99% of the time. He never fucking talks to me. He never even acts like he gives one fucking shit about my existence. But then as soon as I message him or call him its like “Hi I care about you a lot I do I promise” BULL MOTHERFUCKING SHIT. HE IS SO FUCKING FULL OF SHIT. HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT ME. HE WANTS TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT HIMSELF AND ABOUT EVERYTHING HE’S DONE TO ME SO HE CONVINCES HIMSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT HE CARES ABOUT ME. BUT HE DOESN’T.
The worst part is, as angry as I am, and as much as I know that he doesn’t actually care (actions speak louder than words, motherfucker), I’m still probably going to keep trying. Because for some unknown motherfucking reason, I DO care. And I’m mad at myself for that, too.
