January 12, 2013
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Countdown to Joplin
Going to Joplin tomorrow to help rebuild homes that were damaged/destroyed in the tornadoes in May 2011.
BFX is going. This is going to be a disaster. I’m so done with him. I just want to get over him. I never want to see him again. He is a liar and an asshole. He doesn’t care about me, regardless of what he says. He made zero effort to save our relationship when we had it, zero effort to fix our relationship when he said he would, and zero effort to be a best friend even though he promised we would stay best friends. He has made zero effort to hang out with me or talk to me this past semester. He has made zero effort to contact me over break, even though he knows I’m borderline suicidal. Last time I checked, if you care about someone you check in on them if you know they are that depressed. So fuck him. I do not want to spend a week with him on this fucking trip. Because I hate him… but of course, I’m still in love with him because emotions are stupid and irrational and I hate them.
My “friends” here have yet to respond to my texts, even though they know its my last night home. Ok. That’s cool.
My “friends” in RI exclude me more often than not. My brotherhood has turned into a cliquey drama-fest of SHIT.
I don’t want to go to Joplin. I don’t want to stay here. I don’t want to go back to Rhode Island.
I just want to disappear.
