February 16, 2013
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Atypical
I’m an atypical depressed/ED-prone person.
Most depressed/ED people hate themselves. I don’t hate myself. I actually think I’m a pretty good person.
Most depressed/ED people are afraid to ask for help.
I’ve been SCREAMING for help for months. I’ve put myself in therapy. I have a personal tumblr that some of my IRL friends have the password to that I put all my shit feelings in. I have reached out to the BFX when I wanted nothing more than to swallow all my pills and die.
But at the end of the day, I still feel alone. I still feel depressed. I still think I’m fat. I still get treated like crap by everyone. I still get abandoned and/or stabbed in the back and/or used by everyone I ever love/care about. As much as I like me, the world treats me like I’m worthless. I only exist to be used. I still fucking hate my life.
I’m done. I don’t want to be alive anymore. I asked for help. I begged for it. I practically fucking screamed it. And no one came. So fuck it all. I’m done. Done.
But of course, I’m a coward and I’m not actually going to kill myself even though I think I should.
Comments (1)
I’ve felt that way many times…too many…If you wanna vent I’m here. The worst points for me were in the middle of my ED when I was down at 102 lbs. 2 miscarriages and 5 years later I still struggle with it but it can get better. Sometimes you can’t but try to find positivity in your life. If your friends are assholes maybe branch out a bit more. Bad relationships will just poison you further. Don’t resort to cutting or bingeing, you’ll just feel worse after. I hate life alot as well…but there has to be meaning and we’re gonna go find it.