February 18, 2013
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I still feel like a child
Well, after nearly committing suicide last night, I finally told my parents how depressed I am… 11 years later. And they are supporting me, emotionally and financially, to drop out of URI and move home. So that will be happening this week. I am also getting put in therapy at home, which I am a little nervous about but there is nothing I can do about it at this point.
I still feel too old for this. I feel like this is a phase teenagers go through and that, by 22, I should have a better handle on my shit. I feel like the adult thing to do is suck it up and push through but I literally can’t do that anymore. I can’t. Suicide hasn’t left my mind for over a momth now. If I don’t change something I will die. Literally.
So that’s that. After 11 years of lying, hiding, pushing through it, crying, hating myself, liking myself but hating my life, etc. I am finally FINALLY possibly going to get better. I know it will be rough and that there is no quick fix but at least I am making the effort.
Comments (1)
I’m happy that your parents are supporting you, and I’m glad you’re going back home. Hopefully things will get better and you can pick up where you left off (though I feel like you won’t be coming back to URI =/). Best of luck! This is an exciting and scary change, but it’ll be worth it in the end.