March 16, 2013
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Things with M
I don’t wanna bore you guys with this stuff so only read if you actually care.
But in other news, I’ve officially gained 3.5lb since coming home. And not just period weight or bloating weight or dehydrated weight. UGH! I need to get off my fucking fat ass and start exercising again (because let’s be honest, I’m not going to stop smoking and that is the main contributing factor to why I binge.)
After not hearing from M all day Thursday I messaged him asking if he was still alive. Turns out he got a call at 2am saying his best friend from work was in the hospital for appendicitis and he had spent all day at the hospital. And while that was awful, it didn’t explain why he blew me off and never answered me Wednesday. So then Thursday night, I guess to make it up to me, M picked me up to hang out. We smoked a bunch. While smoking, I asked why he blew me off and basically he said that he had changed his mind. He realized that every concern I’d had about doing anything (sexual or romantic) beyond friendship could risk our friendship, which isn’t worth it since our friendship is pretty awesome as is. Which, you know, is nice and everything. Except that I’ve changed my mind, too.
It just makes sense to me for M and I to be together. Literally every single time one of us is single we go back to each other. We dated in 8th grade, I almost dumped my boyfriend in 9th grade to get back together with M, M and I hooked up summer before 12th/beginning of 12th grade and he almost asked me out, then we made a (drunk) deal freshman year of college that we would have sex if we were ever both single at the same time again. And I haven’t really been single again until now (except for between JC and the BFX, but I was such a mess then that if he did try to be with me again, I don’t remember it. He probably did try). We have seen each other as viable romantic and/or sexual options SINCE 2003. That is ten motherfucking years. So to me it makes sense to give it a try. Maybe I’m just crazy.
So I told him that I felt that way and he was just like “it would be awkward” and I just dropped it. I figure if we spend enough time together something is bound to happen anyway. His bromance buddy (seriously, they are attached at the hip) is in France for the semester and M just quit his job so I have a feeling we will be spending a lot of time together for the next few months… so we’ll see. I don’t want to risk my friendship with him, I really really really don’t, but at the same time I wanna know what would happen. What could happen. Guh.
