March 24, 2013
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My 18 year old neighbor committed suicide last week. I just found out.
He was 18.
I used to babysit him.
I still tutor his 16 year old brother.
I didn’t know him very well anymore, but I’m in shock.
I feel so awful.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do for the family, for my sister and her friends that were his age, or for me.
I feel so stupid. Stupid that I sometimes feel suicidal, too. Because look at what this has done. Stupid that I worry about such trivial things when he ended his life and I had no idea that he was even depressed. He lived so close. I can see their house from my bedroom window. I babysat him. I talked to his brother. My sister rode the bus with him. And we had no idea.
His sister is only 14. His brother is 16. And his parents. I can’t even imagine what they are dealing with right now. The whole family always seemed so upbeat.
And now I upset my friend because I’m upset. Because according to him, I’m always in a bad mood. Excellent.
