April 12, 2013
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I WANT OFF THE ROLLER COASTER NOW
Today has been INSANE. This morning Joy freaked me out with a post on her private Tumblr which turned out to not be a huge deal but I still lost a lot of respect for her, which I didn’t think was possible.
Then I ran, showered, and went to a meeting for work. I’m not sure if I’ve shared this, but I’ve worked for my dad, an optometrist, since I was 16. And the other employees always made jokes about me going to optometry school and I was always like “haha lol no.” But lately I’ve been realizing how much I enjoy working at the office and how nice it makes me feel when my friends come to me with eye problems or broken glasses and I’m able to help them. It’s a subject I already know a lot about. AND I’d make a lot more money than as a teacher. And since I’d be taking over my dad’s practice, I’d be my own boss so I’d have the flexibility in my schedule that I really, really need for my sanity. And until my dad is ready to retire I would get to keep working for him and I really, really enjoy working in his office. All of the people are wonderful and there is so much going on all the time and it’s just great. BUT do I really want to be an eye doctor for the rest of my life? I’m starting to think I might. Do I really want to take another 5 years to get out of school? (I missed the deadline to apply for this upcoming fall so I’d be taking a whole year off and starting the 4 year optometry program in Fall 2014). That is the only thing I’m not sure about. But in the meantime I’d be living with my parents (saves money but limits freedom) and working in an optometry office when I’m not in class, so it isn’t like I wouldn’t be doing anything. UGH I just don’t know!!
So on my way home from the office and the meeting and talking to my dad and coworkers about optometry school I got a text from Joy about some MAJOR drama in RI. And it just really threw me off for the rest of the afternoon. Big time. It made me really angry at certain people and really sad for other people and really disappointed in other people and those aren’t really people I want to be sad for or disappointed in (I hate the person I’m angry at so idgaf about that one). But yeah. That happened too.
On top of that, I’m still worrying about my Israeli friend and possibly telling him about the fact that I have a date for tomorrow night.
And I’ve been eating too much again and not losing weight even though I SHOULD BE because I’m still eating under/around my BMR and I look like I am losing weight so that’s getting frustrating. And I’m not doing as well running as I would like to be. It’s all just bleh.
Intake stuff for yesterday and today:
Intake for yesterday (Thursday, April 11)
B: protein bar (130), banana (100)
L: thai noodles (290), cookies (100)
D: shrimp marinara (180), salad (45)
High snacks (585)
TOTAL = 1530Intake for today (Friday, April 12)
B: none
L: panera garden veggie soup (150), baguette (180), 2oz sangria (40)
S: coffee coolata (210)
D: breaded shrimp (300), scalloped potatoes (250), cookie (130)
S: protein bar (110)
TOTAL = 1370Out: 1 mile run (120)
Net: 1250
**update** I ended up going out to a party, smoking, and had like a 1000 cal binge. Ugh! Even high at home I usually don’t eat that much. I’m so angry at myself now.
