April 21, 2013
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Fucking Binge
I fucked up yesterday. Ate wayyy too much. Justified it to myself, at the time, as “it’s a holiday.” (Yes, I smoke enough that 4/20 is a “holiday” for me). I don’t even… ugh.
I have a date tonight with the guy who bought me the beer last week while I was waiting for the waiter. So I am going to try to not eat ANYTHING before then.
I’m afraid to weight myself but I have to because I have this whole system and Sundays are when I measure everything and just ugh I don’t want to. I ate soooo much yesterday.
My Israeli thing is on his “date thingy” right now. Well, he will be in like 10 minutes. I still don’t know how I feel about any of that, but he lives in Israel so letting it go.
I’m just so preoccupied with being fat today.
Why did I let myself do that yesterday? UGH!
I’m mad at myself.
**update**
I weighed myself. I gained a whole fucking pound this week. A WHOLE FUCKING POUND. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I’ve been exercising. Besides yesterday I’ve been following a good “healthy” plan. Like I said yesterday, this pretty much verifies that I am going back to starving.
