May 11, 2013
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The Insanity Never Sleeps
So last night I blew off a friend’s surprise birthday party to hang out with a good friend of mine. I didn’t really want to go to the party anyway and then once my friend asked to hang out I just bailed. I feel a little bad but I had a good time with my friend and I got her drunk which was fun since she’s 18 and pretty straightedge. She asked for it though, it isn’t like I slipped the sangria in her drink lol. She wants me to teach her how to be drunk before she goes to college haha
In other news, I’ve been eating better and my intakes and nets have been a lot more reasonable. I’m still keeping my intakes above 1000 to be “healthy” (not that 1000 is considered healthy but for me that’s good enough) but my nets are dropping since my training schedule is stepping up.
Sorry, sidenote: I’m at work and my coworker is clueless and it’s frustrating because I can’t step in without being rude but she just is not explaining the different options clearly and I’m not sure where she is getting her pricing from. But anyway, sorry for my digression.
This week has just been so crazy. It has been scary, lonely, up down up down, as my life is, but I am still going downhill. I just don’t know how to save myself anymore.
Oh! I finally told my Israeli friend the extent of my anxiety. I hadn’t before because he tends to get dismissive and judgey when it comes to mental health issues. But he didn’t. After I finished telling him all he said was “You have no idea how much I want to hug you right now.” Why the hell does he have to live in Israel? I still haven’t talked to him about the whole “do you have feelings for me” thing because it’s scary to bring up. I’m theorizing that he feels the same way I do, which is that we are curious as to if it could be more than friends but because we live halfway across the world from eachother we are trying to just shrug it off. *sigh*
I also don’t remember if I said this here already but Joy is upset because I’m staying with another friend when I go up to RI next weekend instead of her. I have a few valid reasons to stay with the other friend besides just that I’d prefer not to stay with Joy but it doesn’t seem to matter. I don’t know what to tell her but I am not staying with her. Ugh.
I’m also not sure if I mentioned that the BFX is talking to me again like a normal human being. Not getting my hopes up to get my best friend back, but that would be nice.
Why is everything so complicated?
