June 10, 2013
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Weekend
Friday night I nearly killed myself. The BFX and M talked me down, but it was really rough. I hate that I still rely on the BFX when I get that close. I shouldn’t. And he makes me feel like I should be grateful he even still talks to me, let alone helps me. I hate it. And I told him so. He didn’t really respond to it, kinda just skipped over that part. Again, made me feel like I should be grateful he still talks to me at all. Just. Ugh. Neither the BFX or M checked in on me yesterday; you’d think they would after Friday night but nope. The BFX did message me today to see how my race went, but we’ll get there later.
Yesterday was INSANE. I woke up not wanting to move. I was still in full on depression mode from Friday night. I considered asking my dad if I could stay home from work but I had a lot else to do and I knew that if I asked off of work I wouldn’t be able to go out later. So I went to work. Luckily it was pretty busy so I couldn’t dwell much. Then, after getting home, I had an hour to shower and get ready for a wedding – but not just a wedding, because I needed to leave the wedding early to go to a WWII reenactment swing dance an hour away and I had to look the part. So that took FOREVER and I barely made it to the wedding on time, but miraculously I did. It was my “big brother”‘s dad’s wedding – he (and his brothers) were not thrilled that their dad was getting remarried only a year and a half after their mother’s death so I was supposed to be emotional support. Of course I had to leave, and big bro was being really nasty about it leading up to the wedding, but after the ceremony he got drunk enough that he didn’t care anymore. Also his brothers helped me out to get out of there and to make sure he was alright the rest of the night. He’s the youngest of the three of them so I knew he’d be alright with them.
Fuck, I gotta get to sleep. Alright, speed typing time. So after the wedding I went to the WWII dance thing because a friend of mine from school was there and he normally lives 5 hours away so I knew if I didn’t go up and see him it would be a long time before I got the chance again. It was actually really fun and very interesting. Here’s a picture of us in our 1940′s best (ignore my fatass arms… no matter what I do they always look like they belong to someone who weighs 50lb more than I do).
So we had a good time. He’s going through a rough spot now, his ex kind of stomped all over his heart and then started sleeping with one of his best friends and last week they became Facebook official sooooo… yeah. He and I commiserated and talked about what we’ve been going through and then said “fuck everyone else” and just had a great time. We danced and he showed me all the WWII era planes (since the whole thing was taking place at a hanger for those kind of planes) and there were fireworks and I met some of his ROTC/reenactment buddies and it was just a good time. I’m so glad I went, it was a complete turn around from the night before.
This morning was my 5k race – the one I’ve been training for. Of course I drank at the wedding and then danced at the dance and ran around looking at the planes and did I ever rehydrate myself? Nope. So at about the 1.75 mile mark I got literally the worst cramp of my entire life, no exaggeration. I couldn’t stand up straight, I almost vomited… I tried to push through it but I had to slow down and walk. But I never stopped. I kept walking and pushed myself. I started out going SO FAST though so I ended up doing the whole thing in 34:47… it’s an average pace of 11:22. I really wanted to do under 11 and I’m so mad at myself because had I hydrated I probably would have. I finished 173 overall out of over 400. My sister, the half marathon runner that she is, scored 5th in her age group and 40th overall. My mom got 103 overall, and my dad was somewhere between my mom and I. Regardless, everyone is telling me I did really well but I feel like I failed. I’m going to sign up for another one in about a month and prove that I got this. And this time I won’t be out until 1am the night before and I will make sure to drink plenty of water.
The rest of my day has been study study study. I took an online practice test for the OAT, which I’m taking tomorrow in 13 hours and 45 mintues. Overall I got an ok score (320 out of 400 with 300 being the mean score. The school I want to get into takes an average of 310 overall), but my subject scores were grossly out of whack and unfortunately they do look at subject breakdown. My reading comprehension and quantitative (math) were EXCELLENT, my biology was decent, but my general and organic chemistry and physics were godawful. So that brought be right back down. I’ve been stressed out the rest of the day trying to study but because of my ADD I couldn’t focus for very long and it’s just been bad. My dad helped me study later in the evening and I always do better when I have someone else to keep me on track so that really helped. Tomorrow I’ve gotta review the chem and physics stuff before my test… I really need to go to sleep. So yeah.
As a reward, once I’m done, I’m getting more fishies! I don’t know if I’ve mentioned my tanks yet but I’ll definitely do a post on them tomorrow or Tuesday since I don’t have the time now and this post is long enough. But here are pictures of two of my three tanks:
This one is a 20g tall tank and currently has 3 platy fish in it. It will get 2 new platy fish and a bristlenose pleco tomorrow and in another week or two it will also get 2 angelfish.
This one is a 5g and is currently empty but will get 2 otocinclus catfish tomorrow and then later a betta will go in as well.
My third tank is a 10g with a single goldfish in it. His name is January, but I’ve started to call him Mr. Nubby because he got horrible fin rot and now he has no front fins, only these little muscular nubbies. He was my sister’s fish, but as she let him get that way in the first place he is now my fish. I’ve never done cold water fish before (besides goldfish as a kid but that doesn’t count), but I have already been giving him meds for a week to kill the finrot bacteria. He’s going to get another week of treatment and then we’ll just work on repairing the damage. It will take a LONG time but I think he’ll get through it. Poor Mr. Nubby. His nubbies are so adorable but I just feel so awful for him. I have no idea how he’s still swimming. I’ll show you a picture later as I don’t have one at the moment.
And with that, I’m going to sleep. Goodnight everyone.
