June 30, 2013

  • Day 8

    I BLEW my diet yesterday. Just… done. Out of the water. Binge binge binge. I was PMSing and stoned and just said fuck it and ate and ate and ate. I ended up at like 1780 for the day… I was supposed to stay under 1000! OMFG. Ugh. At least I went for a 2 mile walk. And I kicked my ass and made myself go out for a run today even though it is still disgustingly hot and humid and I thought I was going to die after only 2 miles. I’m so disgusted with myself. To make up for this, I am going to extend this to 11 days. I fucked up one day, so stick another day on the end. So 4 more days of under 1000, including today. Hopefully I get this desire to binge under control.

    Tomorrow I can finally submit my application for optometry school… and I’m still missing 2 letters of recommendation. FUCK. I don’t know what I’m going to do. My one professor never got back to me even though I emailed AND texted him (he was my independent study professor). I guess I’ll try to call his office tomorrow and see if I can leave a message or something with one of his research assistants. And I’ll have to email the other professor today or tomorrow as well. I also need to trim down my essay. Fuuuccccckkkk.

    I also have to completely break down my big tank today. All of the little platy fish succumbed to the internal parasites and died, so I need to move my clown pleco (algae eater) into a quarantine tank (which will be miserable for him since its only a gallon) and then break down the big tank and bleach EVERYTHING. Then rinse it REALLY REALLY REALLY well and let it all air dry. Then, tomorrow, I can reset it up. New filter, new water, new everything. Start the cycle alllll over. Ugh. This tank was almost in a healthy place and then it just exploded. More work to do.

    At least I didn’t have to go to work yesterday. Friday afternoon I ended up getting a migraine and I left work an hour and a half early. Then yesterday I woke up still with the headache and was able to not go into work at all. Head still hurts today, but I couldn’t not run AGAIN. So I ran anyway. But yesterday I was literally the laziest bum. I smoked 3 times and just laid around and did nothing. It was so nice. I miss being able to do that on a more regular basis; I really need those days. When I first moved home, before I started working full time, I did that nearly every day. **sigh** I can’t wait to get back to school. I don’t like working full time. I like the college set up. I know optometry school will be completely until undergrad or the master’s program I was in, but I think it will be better than this. Fall 2014 can’t come quick enough.

    The loneliness is still ever present. I still have no social life. I’m still by myself all the time. I don’t know if I’ll even make it to Fall 2014 like this.

     

Comments (2)

  • I think we all should give ourselves some leeway during our periods. That seems to be where most of us fuck up. Prepare for it, and don’t beat yourself up because tomorrow’s another day, another fresh start. 

    Sorry about your fish tank. Sounds like a depressing and expensive problem to have. At least you have the willpower to clean all that shit out and start over. I didn’t know having fish could get so complicated. As for no social life, I feel you on that one. I see my roommates go out almost every night while I’m at home napping because I work too damn much to the point of exhaustion, among other things. I think you’ll make lots of friends when you start college. 

  • @A_bunch_of_nothing - Yeah. I just switched yesterday and today in my plan with the 3rd and 4th (my off days), so I’ll just have to be extra good a little longer to make up for it. I think you’re right that we all need to be a little more lenient this time of month :-/

    As for the fish, it is a VERY complicated and VERY expensive hobby. I almost wish I didn’t get into it. It’s really fun and nice once you have your tanks established and when everything is going well but when there is a problem it can be a BIG problem (like mine). I was cursing like a sailor breaking the tank down today… I only got about 2/3 done. The rest will wait until tomorrow. I just couldn’t do it all today. It’s too much.
    Social life: I’m 22. College came and went for me. Graduated May 2012. I went to the University of Rhode Island and now I am back home in Philadelphia. I didn’t keep in touch with very many people from high school so it’s hard to find people to see and things to do. But I agree that once I get back to school – which will be optometry school (eye doctors) in Fall 2014 – things will get better. I also recently joined my local community concert band in the hopes of meeting people through that, although I do believe most of the participants are a bit older than me. 

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