July 6, 2013
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If I make it until morning it is going to be a miracle.
Bitch ruined everything. I was letting it go and then she attacked me on Twitter. In all fairness, I did put up a snarky Facebook status but IF SHE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG THEN SHE WOULD HAVE IGNORED IT. This fucking bitch. She violated Joy’s privacy and trust, went through her Facebook, found my private Tumblr URL and password, and spent over three quarters of an hour going through my blog. I have a tracker. I know that whoever did it was from the exact town this girl is from and they were using a Mac, which she has. And she posted a tweet earlier today about reading someones crappy blog. All of this THE DAY AFTER JOY GAVE HER HER FACEBOOK PASSWORD SO THE BITCH COULD HELP HER WITH SOME SECURITY ISSUES SHE WAS HAVING. Like, I’m not sure what other evidence I need. (P.S. If any of you are from northern New Jersey and use Safari web browser on a Mac OS and viewed my private Tumblr and I just don’t remember giving you the password, please let me know so I can put this behind me).
The BFX doesn’t have my back. I don’t know why I told him. And Joy got drunk and she blames herself even though I really don’t blame her at all but the BFX is telling her to stay out of it even though a)she is supposed to be my best friend and be on my side and b)the stupid bitch violated Joy’s trust and Joy’s privacy by going through Joy’s Facebook and getting the information in the first place. So Joy has every damn right to involve herself. But he is just “staying out of it,” even though the evidence is all in my favor, because he says there are “too many sides.”
When we were dating, he never took my side. He never had my back. Other people could say shit about me and treat me like crap and he let it go but if I said anything negative about anyone he even sort of liked I was this awful person. It’s been that way forever. And clearly tonight is no different. Even when everything in the world is saying that I’m correct he can’t have my back. He just won’t. I don’t know what it is about me or what I’ve done to him but he won’t ever, EVER be on my side. I don’t know why I thought he would now. It’s my own fault for having expectations for him that were clearly too high.
I just want to disappear. I want to go away and never, ever come back. Cut off contact with everyone and just leave.
I feel like if I don’t leave, I’m going to die.
I am going to die.
